Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
