end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she smelled like a LAN party
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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