We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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