she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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