she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
