My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
