he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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