Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Your cock deserves a montage
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
