I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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