Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
