From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
