The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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