you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
