I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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