Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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