guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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