We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
