Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
