Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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