I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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