3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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