Swine flu is the new snow day.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
