I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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