I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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