Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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