i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
