nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
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Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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