Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
