I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
