Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
