you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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