he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
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She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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