3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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