she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
