Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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