Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
