Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
