It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
