marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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