Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
