he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I am available for nakedness
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
