i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
