Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
