I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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