you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
