Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
