Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
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I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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