Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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