My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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