I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
