Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
