um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
this is an emotional support booty call
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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