Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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