Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
