I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
