Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
