Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party

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  (301): i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party http://tfl.nu/u2ba
  Replies (3) Good night (846) Bad night (1936)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Billy Mays is dead too!

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs

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  (352): Billy Mays is dead too! (1-352): Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs http://tfl.nu/okmt
  Replies (11) Good night (2172) Bad night (757)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...

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  (509): I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber... http://tfl.nu/856a
  Replies (63) Good night (872) Bad night (4226)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.

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  (845): Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad. http://tfl.nu/mllb
  Replies (18) Good night (834) Bad night (5189)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.

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  (970): If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time. http://tfl.nu/fjy0
  Replies (19) Good night (4628) Bad night (2124)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.

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  (540): I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them. http://tfl.nu/t9kz
  Replies (6) Good night (1291) Bad night (2899)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?

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  (512): They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true? http://tfl.nu/qtx2
  Replies (13) Good night (2697) Bad night (1478)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne

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  (360): last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne http://tfl.nu/35hl
  Replies (8) Good night (2397) Bad night (578)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"

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  (303): I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis" http://tfl.nu/qqqf
  Replies (6) Good night (1595) Bad night (657)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.

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  (256): You asked him for a membership to him and his dick. http://tfl.nu/mfxs
  Replies (5) Good night (1678) Bad night (755)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Anderson Cooper just came out.

  (212): View more from New York

  Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.

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  (917): Anderson Cooper just came out. (212): Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor. http://tfl.nu/cxy2
  Replies (5) Good night (1674) Bad night (1008)
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  (209): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.

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  (209): I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good. http://tfl.nu/spab
  Replies (1) Good night (1301) Bad night (702)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.

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  (314): How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night. http://tfl.nu/t7tp
  Replies (5) Good night (763) Bad night (1060)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.

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  (386): Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately. http://tfl.nu/yc56
  Replies (1) Good night (1406) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone

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  (585): Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone http://tfl.nu/e7f7
  Replies (0) Good night (636) Bad night (361)

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