My room smells like vodka and shame
I've blown a few things in my day
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER