Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful