it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?