Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
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watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
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Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots