I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.