Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
and she was petting her beer can
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
